Bittersweet Memories

He meant the world to me. Kind, loving, patient, I saw him as a prince and he treated me like I was his princess. It seemed as if nothing could stand in our way when we were together, that is, until our values came to play.
Although we hardly fought, when we did, it was always about the same thing: our paths in life. He wanted a relaxed life, where he could sit back and wait for opportunities to come by. I was different. I had big dreams and ambitions for myself, and had an endless hunger to learn and improve myself in order to reach those goals. Frustration in me always mounted up and led to outburst after outburst on my part, wondering why he could not have something I desired him to have.
I had already begun to question much earlier on what kind of impact such a difference would have in our relationship, but because of how important I was to him and how much I cared about his feelings, I forced myself to shut those doubts out and focused on nurturing the relationship.
I wanted to continue pretending that everything going to be okay in the end. That as long as we cared each other and showed that we are happy, we could still be together. That the future was still far away and had nothing to do with now. That love was something that could conquer everything else.
But it was just not meant to be.
The more time we spent together, the more we questioned each other’s values and the more doubt we had for the future that we are going to have with each other. Although we were smiling and laughing with each other on the surface, but deep down, there was a sense of unease and space between us. It was as if we knew what was coming already.
Yesterday, on 21st May 2017, we finally decided that it was best for each other if we were to part ways. We slept, cuddled, ate, watched a movie, played games, hugged and kissed as a couple for one last time. I wanted to drag and savor each and every moment that I had with him. It was like the first date all over again, where everything became so precious, so fragile. And although I had already anticipated it, nothing could have gotten me ready for the crushing blow that came when it was really time for us to part. I wanted to end things of with a smile so that his final memory of me was a happy one, but it was virtually impossible for me to do so as I clung on to him during our final hug and cried, desperately not wanting him to go.
However, all things had to come to an end, and at last, he was really gone.
He asked me a question that really got me thinking: “Did you regret anything about the 3 years that we were together?”
And to my surprise, my answer was a firm no. I had learnt so many things out of my relationship, about myself and how to treat others, and had created so many wonderful memories that I would hold on dear for many years to come.
All breakups contain heartbreak, but not all breakups are because of hurt, dishonesty and abuse. Sometimes, it can be one out of love and respect for each other, and that is the reason why I will choose to move on and wish fervently for his happiness.
If you are reading this: Thank you for all the happy memories and the love that you have given me all these years. Although we might shed tears of loss and longing right now, I hope that you can find your happiness and your drive quickly, and that you will wish the same for me. I don’t think I will be contacting you for awhile, but I would like you to know that I still care. Once we can finally let go of each other, let us meet again as old friends. Love, Theodora.

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